I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
