Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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