so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
