I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize