Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
