after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize