i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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