i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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