So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
