just come out here and I will go home with you...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
