Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
