is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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