Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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