I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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