You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
