I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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