I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
