i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
