she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
