You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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