Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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