I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
