I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
