hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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