I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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