oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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