feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
