Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
