just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
