we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize