I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
