70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
