Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
