Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
