omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
