he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
