I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
