I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
