The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
