when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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