My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
