Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
