I'm so fucking centered right now
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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