12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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