I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
