It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
