I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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