I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
as a side note pls kill me
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
