After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
