Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
