If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
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Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
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She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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