You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
