Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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