I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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