Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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