Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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