When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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