EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
