do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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