Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
