i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
