What did we do last night that was yellow?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
