You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
