Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
