Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
