All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
