We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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