WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm always down for nudity.
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