oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
