My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
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I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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