just survived the first fart of the relationship.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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