Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
