No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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