also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
