if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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