Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
