yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she smelled like a LAN party
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
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One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
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came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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