yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
