It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So vagazzling was a success
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
