We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
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Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
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i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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