Texts From Last Night

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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.

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  (781): I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation. http://tfl.nu/r77c
  Replies (19) Good night (5275) Bad night (1409)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?

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  (509): why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings? http://tfl.nu/epiw
  Replies (9) Good night (1158) Bad night (3339)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away

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  (305): once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away http://tfl.nu/wxv7
  Replies (15) Good night (1139) Bad night (4173)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking

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  (917): You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking http://tfl.nu/a0v5
  Replies (11) Good night (3714) Bad night (1168)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card

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  (832): I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card http://tfl.nu/wrdz
  Replies (4) Good night (3335) Bad night (908)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.

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  (630): He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table. http://tfl.nu/sm7d
  Replies (6) Good night (1170) Bad night (2138)
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  (818): View more from California

  Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself

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  (818): Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself http://tfl.nu/kb63
  Replies (8) Good night (2795) Bad night (708)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.

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  (309): don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia. http://tfl.nu/2ibq
  Replies (6) Good night (1988) Bad night (1063)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong

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  (717): This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong http://tfl.nu/jhbp
  Replies (22) Good night (1633) Bad night (654)
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  (646): View more from New York

  last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good

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  (646): last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good http://tfl.nu/h7gj
  Replies (16) Good night (2028) Bad night (1025)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.

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  (724): Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me. http://tfl.nu/rflf
  Replies (10) Good night (3774) Bad night (1234)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.

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  (931): And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara. http://tfl.nu/ndct
  Replies (6) Good night (1728) Bad night (540)
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  (559): View more from California

  I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey

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  (559): I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey http://tfl.nu/dy5j
  Replies (5) Good night (1001) Bad night (537)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.

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  (902): In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts. http://tfl.nu/zdfo
  Replies (3) Good night (1198) Bad night (399)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...

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  (205): I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge... http://tfl.nu/he3w
  Replies (0) Good night (510) Bad night (327)

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