You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.