she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.