im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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