Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
