what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
