well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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