The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
