Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I did not marry a roomba.
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